Self Talk Blog 1
I’ve always wanted to start a blog but never thought I had anything to say. I see myself in my later years writing books and speaking at events, so I guess I should begin!
Recently I’ve been struggling with feeling depressed again. I thought I won the battle of depression but turns out it’s always really there ready to attack you when you’re at your lowest. A mentor of mine says “it’s one battle to get free, it’s another to stay free.” I am in the battle of staying free. It’s not an easy battle. But I am getting better! Depression is a slippery slope but there are ways to catch myself from continuing to fall. I have learned to recognize the patterns of my depression. He is clever, but not more clever than I. I have studied the ways in which he appears and I have learned that if I start to feel depressed, I must at once begin to fight. I fight by setting goals for myself. Progress begets endurance. Even if it’s the smallest amount. When I reach a goal I have set for myself I prove to myself and to depression that I am strong and capable of doing what I set my mind to. The next day I raise the goal by a little amount. If I don't make the goal that day, that’s OKAY. I start over the next morning with grace and love and self acceptance. This is the fight. It is kind towards self but cut throat towards will. I fight like I am the only one left on this planet. I fight like Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games. I fight because if I don’t, I will die.
Depression likes to exaggerate. It likes to overwhelm. When there’s a hint of stress it likes to exacerbate that stress until I have no energy left to live the day. It takes everything from you. Motivation, desire, energy, emotional capacity, joy, inspiration. It is a dragon that will keep you locked in a dungeon, isolated and alone, if you allow it. There is something the dragon is afraid of. He is afraid of the brave warrior. He is terrified of free will. I am capable of fighting the dragon. I am capable of strengthening my will. I am not helpless for God is helping me. I am not helpless because I have help all around me. I am capable of building healthy positive actions and strong enough to restrict my bad habits. I know that change is earned but I am strong enough and brave enough to earn that change. I can do and get better by rerouting the content of my thoughts. Changing my thoughts is possible with hard work. I am a hard worker. My will is an inner resource that I will learn how to activate over time. And over time it will become easier and easier. Depression will lie to me to keep me down but I will learn to challenge my thoughts and ask myself the hard questions to get to the truth of a situation. The truth will set me free. I will not be depressed forever.
It starts with self acceptance and self love. I must first accept the place that I am in. I must then show myself love and grace. I must understand that this is a process and I will not fight this dragon overnight but I will learn it’s ways. I will gain understanding and knowledge to defeat it. Wisdom will teach me. She is a kind but loud voice. I will listen.
